I Just Don't Understand...

One thing that I don't get is sports games. I know that there are many people out there who love playing MLB and Madden, but wouldn't actually playing the game be more fun. I like videogames where you do things people can't do, like slay an entire demon hoard, or set someone on fire just by looking at them.

This point is amplified by the fact that many people who play sports games are in good enough shape to play it in real life. It's just something that perplexes me. Who knows? Maybe I'm just being biased because I just don't like sports. Or maybe I'm right. You decide.

Gaming.....Contageous? (pt 2)

The worst has happened. On top of the gaming addiction I have acquired from the bite, I now have no way to sooth the impulses. Last night my 360 decided to hit the crack pipe and break down. The graphics went to water color and back to normal. It went in and out the whole game. So i decided to turn it off and turn it back on only to result in a screen that resembled a star gazer.
I checked everything. All the cords were firmly in place and the XBOX wasn't overheating or anything. It was broken! I turned into the Hulk and just started yelling at everything. The addiction had reached its breaking point. One of my neighbors called the police on me and had me apprehended. I was then taken to court a week later and sent to The Gamer Rehabilitation Clinic. At this point I have reached the conclusion that my life will never be the same again...

Gaming.....Contageous?

Because of the harsh conditions that the Gamers were being put under as they they being tested, they became very hostile. The other day when I went to take one out of its cage for the next event in the Gamer Test Lab, it lunged at me and bit my arm. I think I may have caught the gaming disease known as Gamer's Syndrome. Ever since I have been playing the XBOX 360 80% of my waking hours. I have a serious case of this syndrome from the bite because it wasn't any Gamer that bit me. I was bit by an EVG. The syndrome made me compelled to purchase and consume pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets. They were delicious. I only left my couch to perform the basic bodily functions and to go to my classes.
The bite has forced me to quit the Gamer Test Lab because I'm afraid if I try to let out a Gamer and get bit again, the consequences may be permanent. I currently have the most advanced form of Gaming Syndrome known to man. I have bags under my eyes, I haven't shaven, and my eyes are bloodshot from staring at the TV screen. An antidote needs to be developed before this syndrome evolves to the point of being irreversible. I apologize, but I must now quit this entry for the XBOX is looking at me and calling me over. Ever since the bite, anything gaming related has been able to communicate to me or its a form audio distortion from the disease. Either way I must go and will return with an update when the XBOX gets tired and I will sneak over to my computer for the update. God help me.

The Gamer Types (2)

Gamers are a very diverse group of Super-human athletes. They are thought to be cell divisions from the President of the game company Nintendo. While the Gamers are regarded as regular humans, they have amazing talents and abilities. They have been known to be able to play video games for days at a time living on Ballz energy drinks and Cheetos or Doritos; occasionally you may hear of one dying while playing games. These Gamers, however, are of a foreign variety and are considered to be oddities even by the Gamers themselves. The Gamers can also live without things that normal people need such as "human interaction","daylight" or "women".

(Side Note:) True to popular belief, Gamers will perish in direct sunlight, fear garlic, will burn when sprayed with holy water, and can only be killed by a silver bullet... well a silver bullet or days and days of non-stop World of Warcraft, either one. Unlike people they can never get a tan, and in rare cases their skin will begin to fry. This can be prevented with new lead based sun block.

Although Gamers are inherently diverse, they feel the need to segregate themselves so as to provide the arena in which and the tools with which to commence verbal battles with each other. Several evidences also indicate this sub-division was designed to further confuse you. (Need reference) Typically, Gamers are anti-social. This is particularly evident in their propensity to consider long hours of chat-room flaming to be an acceptably sociable event. Often, Gamers are accused of "having no life". Comments such as this are usually followed by further flaming and occasionally the suggestion that said Gamer should in fact "get a life". In response to this, gamers will get ‘half-life’ so they can say that they have a form of life. It appears that in the heat of the moment, the absurdity of the logic behind such conversation evades the participants. Commonly Gamers will remain virgins up to and most likely beyond the age of 50. Having introduced this background knowledge, the topic of the aforementioned sub-divisions will now be breached. But these people live in the game and game is real life.


PC Gamers
PC gamers are known playing three types of games: First person shooters (FPS), Real Time Strategy (RTS) and Role-playing games (RPG). They are very needy and constantly complaining that their needs aren't suited. They most commonly spend their time playing World of Warcraft, Everquest 2, Counter-Strike, Counter-Strike Source (CSS for the geeky people),Unreal Tournament, Battlefield 1944 or Battlefield 2142. And for the more indepth gamer, there are MODs for their favorite games on big sites. When not at play, the PC Gamer is busy at work camping the forums and posting topics complaining that the game is unbalanced and broken. They complain about every aspect of the game yet have been playing non-stop since the beta. This is one of the greatest mysteries of the PC Gamer, which no one has yet to solve. Governments all over the world are giving off prize money for whoever can solve this mystery, most of it is to pay for medical bills.

PC gamers have also been known for scorning all consoles and handhelds. They see them as unnecessary and that half of their games are abominations from a country called Japan. They hate Japan more than anything and believe that only Europe or North-America should get any games. They complain that games from Japan have horrible voice acting but none of them realize how stupid Japanese voices already sound, and how bland American and European voices sound to the Japanese. They complain that the PC has the only form of RPGs out there yet they have never ever heard of Final Fantasy.

PC gamers have one group of friends and gather in heards to play their games together for many hours on end. They are looked down upon and are that in the bottom of the food chain. Their daily schedule consists of going to school, coming home and playing. Then eating and playing till they go to bed.
Surgeons Warning: Try to evade most of them. Not to be confounded with the "Couch Gamer".



Gamerstation's Warning: These posts are not meant to be offensive but rather comedic. Please do not take them seriously.

The Gamer Types

L33t Gamers

L33t Gamers,are of the highest caliber of skill. They are known mainly for: being accused of "H4x0ring", pwning N00bs, pwning, and being Idols to everyone else. They are, however, less known for actually being computers who decide to 'pwn' people out of anger at their overlords. This computer behavior can be explained by "Intel Core Processors" which if you look at clearly states on the package that your computer will become disgruntled and homocidal. This explains why no one actually knows or has seen any L33t Gamers.

Couch Gamers

These Gamers are hardly ever seen, but do exist. Couch Gamers are Gamers that never move from a couch while playing games, and play lame console rpgs which take no skill. In their mid-stages of life a Couch Gamer will have his refrigerator, gaming system, laptop, pee-bucket, and feeding tube centralized around the couch. Mothers have been known to stock, clean, and update all of these items. These Gamers can weigh up to 2,000 pounds and aren't born with legs, making moving from the couch impossible. Most people hate these Gamers because of their lacking social skills; this is a result from never actually, physically speaking to anyone except their mothers. These mothers are closely related to your mom. Initiatives are going around to kill off these Couch Gamers, mostly because they lack social skills, have no lives, aren't medically possible, and no one likes them. This is planned to be accomplished through the game DDR. DDR will kill the Couch Gamers using small amount of physical activity, almost any amount of which, it is widely known, can be used to kill a Couch Gamer to death. No one has ever wanted to get close enough to observe a coach gamer due to the defensive odor, and fat layers around them, but it has been cited that they do not lack hands but have lost them within rolls of fat, and therefor they chew on controllers and keyboards to press buttons. The leader of the Couch Gamers is Zan, the largest of them all. No one knows why he is the leader, other than the fact that he threatened to squash the opposition, because he sucks at video games.
(Side Note:) The mere existence of Couch Gamers makes the Surgeon General cry himself to sleep every night.

The Evolution of Video Gaming (Finale)

To compete with Sony's PlayStation 3 and Microsoft's XBox 360, Nintendo finally released its big video game system. Nintendo hadn't released a video gaming console since the Nintendo Game Cube in 2001. Nintendo release of the unheard of Wii in November of 2006 was worth the 6 year wait. The Wii was reported to be the sales leader very quickly after its release.

A very distinguishing feature of the Wii is its hand held remote controller. This controller becomes very popular and its known as the "Wii Remote". This "remote" is used as a hand held pointing device and detects movement in three dimensions. Another unique feature of the Wii is the WiiConnect24. This allows you to receive messages and updates over the Internet.

Since the Wii is the successor to the Game Cube, it can play the games that were made for the Game Cube. It can also connect with the Nintendo DS. The system is like the other systems in which it can play DVDs and CDs. The Wii has many more features.

The Wii was originally called the "Revolution" up until April of 2006. Nintendo later released that the system is not known as the "Nintendo Wii", rather it is just "Wii". And the plural form of Wii is not "Wiis" but its "Wii systems". The Wii has its name because when you say it, it sounds like you are saying "we". It is this way to make it known that the system is for everyone. Wii is also very easy to understand and can be known all around the world because there is no translation, no abbreviation, no confusion. It's just Wii. "Revolution as a name is not ideal; it's long, and in some cultures, it's hard to pronounce. So we wanted something that was short, to the point, easy to pronounce, and distinctive. That's how 'Wii,' as a console name, was created", a developer of the game said.

Since its release in 2006, the Wii had more sales than the PlayStation3 and the XBox 360 combined in 2007. In Japan, this was almost double the amount of the other two combined. Wii systems sales were the highest ever and it is the most popular gaming system out there right now. It is unique from any other gaming system. "It is not like the traditional gaming systems that have been out before," the Vice President of Nintendo said. The Wii is fun for everyone of all ages and is not only a great experience but can be useful in learning things as well. The Wii has just about every possible type of game, but because of its unique way of playing the games, its popularity has risen more and more. With all of this said, I would like to leave you with saying that the Wii is the best video gaming console on the market.

We can only hope that in the future Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft continue to compete and make incredible, indistinguishable gaming systems that will take video gaming to the next step!

Now that's Stealthy

A Turkish man in a prison in Germany recently escaped from prison. He was a convicted drug dealer and was forty-two years old. Now I know you're all saying, 'What does this have to do with video games?' The answer is how he got out. Anyone familiar with the Metal Gear series of video games knows that the main character will use a cardboard box to hide at sometime thoughout the game and it always works for him. But what if that hilarious method of stealth was used in real life. It would never ever work. WRONG! The man who escaped jail did so by hiding in a cardboard box and positioning himself next to some inmate produced goods. These goods were picked up by a courier and taken out of the prison. As soon as the truck passed through the gates the man made a break for it.

Can anyone think of a better way to escape prison than by impersonating your favorite stealth action video game hero? I know I can't.

Addicted To The Internet

Technology is always getting smaller, better and faster. It can be a great asset, but it can be a terrible curse. Take the Internet for example. I mean, Google is one of the best search engines out there. I know that when my mom or dad can't are watching a show, and they wonder "What show has that guy been on before?", they just Google it and WHAM!! There's the answer. But it can be a curse as well. After the many weeks here at Purdue, I've discovered something. I'm an Internet addict.

Google, Youtube, funny webcomics, you name it. I probably use my free time to watch those. Youtube especially. You go to watch one thing and you end up watching fifteen. It's those "related videos" that get you. It's calling out to you saying, "If you liked that video then you'll love these". And that pretty much lasts forever until you run out of free time, and you wonder where all that time went.

Now webcomics are a different matter. If the name confuses you, it's comics...on the web. Most of the ones I watch are gamer parodies and stuff like that. I'd hate to get someone addicted to them, but here are some links to the ones I go to: snafu-comics.com, vgcats.com, squirrelworks.com, fanboys-online.com, and theslackerz.com.

The Internet can be a valuable resource, but it can be a source of many an addiction. If you want to read these, be my guest. But be forewarned, they are addictive. It's already too late for me.

The Gamer Test Lab: Test Subject Callout

I still have plenty of rigorous tests to conduct on my Gamer specimens, however, because these tests tend to aggravate the subjects, most of them have either quit or suffered heart attack. So I am now simply asking for donations. Please if you or a friend know anybody who is a fat Gamer, contact me via comments and we will set up a Gamer transaction. Pay will be offered but volunteers are preferred.
The physical study of today's Gamers are essential in the pursuit of knowledge like the pursuit of understanding animals. To understand Gamers is to discover the Holy Grail. These Gamers on the whole are simple yet complex, so help out the cause. With your donation, you can send you Gamer friend to the "camp" experience of a lifetime. My professionally trained staff will work the Gamer to its extreme limits. So if you care for them, donate one to me. Its for their own benefit. I promise. =D

The Evolution of Video Gaming (Part 13)

To compete with Microsoft's XBox 360, Sony released its third version of the PlayStation. This is obviously called the PlayStation 3 and was released in November of 2006, just over a year after the release of the XBox 360.

The PlayStation 3, or PS3 as many people call it, had its own unified online gaming service. This of course was called "The PlayStation Network". The PS3 has several multimedia capabilities. It can connect with the PlayStation Portable or PSP to play games. It also uses high definition optical disc format (Blu-Ray Disc) for is primary storage. This was the first Blu-Ray system on the market. The PS3 can play DVDs, CDs, and old games from the original PlayStation and PlayStation 2.

Production costs for the PlayStation 3 was over $800 for both the 20 GB and the 60 GB versions of the PS3. This is why they cost so much. The 60 GB originally cost $599 and the 20 GB originally cost $499. Even with the high cost of the PS3, there were over 5 million sold in the U.S. as of July 2008 and 16.84 million sold world wide as of November 2008. Although this is slightly less than the Microsoft's numbers, the PS3 was very successful. Microsoft's XBox 360 was released a year before Sony's PlayStation 3, thus giving it the edge on sales. But the popularity of both the systems grew to be about the same. Like the XBox 360, the PS3 had special versions of its on that went on sale.

The battle between Microsoft and Sony continues to grow. At first people said the PS2 was just a little better than the XBox. Now some say that the XBox 360 is just a little better than the PS3. You decide. We are all excited to see what they will come up with next. Although, there is one thing we are forgetting.. oh yeah... Nintendo's release of its gaming system....

Gears is as Good as It Sounds!

After its first weekend it sold two million units… Two million in one weekend! now that is spectacular.

Released in twenty countries on November 7, it has become the third fastest video game ever behind Halo 3 and Grand Theft Auto 4. Microsoft claims that 1.5 million have logged into Xbox Live on the game and logged over 15 million gameplay hours, a new record on Live. Also, 19 million collective achievements were unlocked, a simple fun fact.

Having finally played Gears of War 2 for myself I can say it was even more spectacular than the original. The visuals are next to amazing. Except for a couple times when you notice some texture loading while you play. And while the water looks heavenly while standing, when it moves there is little to no splashing and it kind of just engulfs you everything it runs over. I understand that would take a helluva lot from the designers but the moving water is no where near the level of the rest of the graphics. Overall they are still probably the best I have ever seen in a game.

The gameplay is much improved, particularly the A button movements. A large complaint about the original Gears was that when using the A button to sprint it would change functions and move to get into cover whenever you ran even somewhat close to a wall or obstacle. This all lead to an enourmous head-ache for gamers. Also on the online multiplayer function of Gears of War 1 there was a way to cheat the system and sprint up to an enemy and shotgun blast them while they helplessly pounded round after round into them with almost no effect. In Gears 2, the bullets have an effect on impact. Bodies will react when a round hits them and may even be knocked back a few steps.

The worst part of Gears 2 is the story. It has so much potential yet is riddled with something called ‘Halo Syndrome.’ Halo Syndrome is when a game doesn’t elaborate on enough story for you to get the full effect (just like the Halo series). It takes a lot for you to understand what is actually happening in the world. Had I not read many of the interviews with the game designers and reports on the development of the game I probably would have been lost for a good long time. It is not however, impossible to get immersed into the story. Playing through Gears 1 and investigating parts you are confused about on the internet reveals a spectacular storyline.

All in all if you are borderline on purchasing the game I would definitely recommend getting it. Even my few friends that absolutely hated Gears of War 1 had a lot of fun playing Gears 2 with me on Co-op. It is a great game and possibly one of the best ever created.

The Gamer Test Lab: Gym Class Edition

Since the vast amount of Gamers fall into the category of being between ages 18-35, I felt that this next test will be appropriate. Most of these Gamers haven't stepped into a gym from when they were last in High School Gym Class, and from my records, virtually none of them have performed any of the tasks they had to in that class since. There were various exercises and tests that students had to go through during gym class, but no two tasks were more hated by the fat people than The Rope Climb and Dodgeball. These two activities in High School Gym Class were considered an absolute dread to the Gamers, but because the astounding EVG has surprisingly completed the past three tasks, I became curious as to how it could overcome its breed's natural weakness of gym class.
The Rope Climb was the first test I asked the Gamers to perform. The only completion of this task was to ring the bell at the top. Their chances of climbing the rope now may have increased due to better hand-strength from gripping the controllers and increased heart-rate from the heart-attack-hot-pockets. I positioned the three normal Gamers at their respective ropes then blew the whistle and they were off. Literally each one climbed up about ten feet or so and well...fell off. The EVG was then up next. I did the same with it and as it began pull on the rope, the roof began to bend at the EVG's attempt to climb until finally the rope snapped bringing the bell along with it. The EVG waddled to where the bell landed and rang it. Now there was only one test left and it tested the agility and reflexes of the Gamers.
The infamous gym class sport of Dodgeball was their last test of the day, and because Dodgeball is considered a team sport, I thought 'Why not?' and put all the Gamers on the same team against the National Dodgeball Champions. The whistle for the match was blown and the test was under way. The three Gamers were attempting to dodge the flying kickballs while the EVG was just standing still. The Champs noticed this and started aiming for the fat EVG. Two Champs threw kickballs at the EVG and when they hit it, the impact from the kickballs had enough force to be embedded into the soft bulbous tissue of the EVG declaring the two Champs out. The other Gamers stopped in amazement and the other two Champs pelted these three in their faces knocking them out. All that was left was the EVG and two Champs. Both Champs threw at the same time and the same result happened! One ball was caught in the EVG's belly fat while the other one wedged itself into its third chin knocking the last two Champs out. The EVG was again victorious....

The Evolution of Video Gaming (Part 12)

To finish up "The Evolution of Video Gaming", the next few of blogs (parts 12, 13, 14) will be talking about today's video gaming consoles. I will be going in to detail about what makes them so good and comparing them to each other. There are three BIG video gaming systems out there right now.

The first system would be the XBox 360. This is Microsoft's second video gaming console to be produced after the original XBox was made in 2001. The XBox 360 was first unveiled on MTV in May of 2005. It was later released to the public in November 2005. The system was produced by Microsoft but in cooperation with several other companies such as IBM, ATI, SiS. This system allowed for you to play and compete online. It also allowed you to download different content such as arcade games, game demos, TV shows, movies, movie trailers, and more. At release, the system was COMPLETELY sold out in all regions except Japan. The system was released in 36 different countries. This was the most ever by for a video game console. It was also released a year before its competition thus making its popularity grow faster and bigger.

Many people haven't heard of all the variations of the XBox 360. There were four but then one got discontinued. The first would be the XBox 360 Core. This was an entry level XBox 360 system. The "Core" system came bundled with composite video cables and capable of only SDTV resolutions. Newer models could output HD signals when connected to a separately sold HDMI, Component, or VGA cables. It could also utilize a separately sold 20 to 120 GB hard drive. Unlike all the other XBox 360 versions, the Core was shipped with a wired controller instead of the wireless controller found with all the other systems. The XBox 360 Core was discontinued and replaced by the XBox 360 Arcade.

The XBox 360 Arcade was released in 2007 replacing the XBox 360 Core. It included a 256 MB memory system, composite AV cable, HDMI 1.2 output, a wireless controller, and 5 XBox Live Arcade titles. The 5 XBox Live Arcade titles were Boom Boom Rocket, Feeding Frenzy, Luxor 2, Pac-Man Championship Edition, and Uno. All of these were on a single disc. Microsoft says that with the Holiday 2008 consoles there will be an addition game bundled in the package. The game added is Sega Superstars Tennis.

The XBox 360, which was commonly called the Premium or Pro, was another version. This included all the same features as the XBox 360 Core and included hybrid composite and component cable. It includes a detachable 20 GB hard disc drive that was used to store downloaded content and sotre data. This also allowed for old XBox games to be played on the system. It began appearing with the Zephyr motherboard (used in the XBox 360 Elite) in 2007. This featured HDMI 1.2 output and an improved GPU heat sink. At the end of 2007, the newest systems were being shipped with the new "Falcon" motherboard. This motherboard included the new 65-nm CPUs which made them quieter and kept them cooler.

The XBox 360 Elite is the most common on the XBox consoles. It has combined a bit of all of these other consoles in it. It replaced the XBox 360 Premium/Pro. Although it is the most expensive of the versions, most people would say that it is worth it. It included a 120 GB hard drive and a matte black finish. Newer editions of the Elite come in a white version. The retail package included an HDMI 1.2 cable, a wireless controller, and headset that match the system.

The initial price of the XBox 360 Elite in the U.S. was $479.99. The Elite now ranges in price from $299.99 to $399.99 depending on the size of the hard drive. The XBox 360 Premium ranged from $249.99 to $299.99 and the XBox Arcade sells for $199.99.

Special versions of the XBox 360 Elite were made such as the Halo 3 version. This version was released in 2007 when Halo 3 was released. It had Halo logos and colors all over the console and the controller. Another special version was a "Simpsons" version. It was made to help promote the new movie. This was a yellow console with the Simpsons on it and a yellow controller. Although this was only released in a drawing and for only 10 days.

As you can see Microsoft's XBox 360 was and still is a very popular gaming system. It had record sales, selling 22 million as of September of 2008. This system will be compared to Sony and Nintendo's system in the next blog.

Gears 2 as Good as it Sounds?

With the release of Gears of War 2 on Xbox 360 today I wondered whether or not it would be as great as I hope it is. So of course I go to my number one game website IGN. The review of Gears of War 2 was right there. Reading through it I saw that there were a number of small things the writer said were wrong with the game. Things like texture loads and minor bugs topped his list, things that can and will be fixed by updates to be released soon. Good things about the game include increased action, intense visuals, revamped sound effects and music, better use of classic controls, and lasting appeal with the new multiplayer modes. The Unreal Engine 3 that Gears of War runs on was optimized to allow for up to and over one hundred enemies on screen at one time. Can you say large scale battles? The engine also allowed for better graphics and physics. Meat now reacts like meat would when it is shot. Walls and other cover crumble when shot. Sounds like a lot of fun to me. The new music is claimed to approach Hollywood quality to add some extra emotion into your play and the sounds of bullets hitting metal and flesh are supposed to be nauseatingly impressive. The controls of Gears 1 were improved to allow for better use of the ‘A’ button to still allow for fast gameplay but not get stuck in cover when you want to sprint. The rather poor squad controls were removed from Gears 1 to make you stop worrying about babysitting your AI squadmates. Finally, the new multiplayer modes are supposed to be hours of fun. The ‘Meat Flag’ or Submission mode is something many gamers have never imagined before. The new maps are supposed to be fantastic also. Also there is the Horde mode where you are pitted against fifty waves of up to thirty enemies that get more powerful as you progress.

As I have not received my copy of Gears 2 yet, I cannot personally confirm if any of these are true but I definitely trust IGN to put out accurate information about games. IGN rated Gears of War 2 at a 9.5 out of 10 so I would say it will be a great game.

Gamers Go to Walmart

IGN recently released results of a new survey of gamers aged 12 to 54 years old. They asked video gamers to tell what retail store or web site they have gone to to buy video games. Walmart came in first with sixty-two percent of the vote. Surprising? We all know Walmart ranks very high in revenue brought in from many other products but video games caught me off guard. Best Buy and Game Stop/EB Games tied for second place with fifty-four percent of gamers having bought games there. No surprise there as they are electronics based retailers. Target took third with forty-one percent. Another one ranked higher than I personally would have expected. Circuit City and Amazon.com finished forth with twenty-eight percent. Yea, I can see this with Circuit City starting to hit rock bottom with the economy the way it is and enhanced competition with rival electronics retailers. Ebay hit twenty-four percent. Toys R Us had twenty-one percent. Blockbuster rounded out the top with seventeen percent.

Why the surprises with Walmart and Target? My guess is that the large chain retailers have so many stores across the United States that gamers find the locations convenient to get to. Prices of games never really fluctuate from store to store so there is no real disadvantage of not shopping for games at a non-electronics based retailer.

Two thousand gamers were surveyed. I assume the people surveyed were allowed to pick more than one store as the percent does not total to one hundred. The percentage is percent of gamers responding to that store.

My current favorite for purchasing games is Amazon. They offer decent discounts on shipping of video games. The last two games I purchased had free shipping! One of them arrived the day after it was released when the free shipping option said it should arrive five days later. That left me extremely satisfied with their services. Also being at college with no car, it is harder to get out to a store whenever I want because my only way there is a bus… Yuck! Leaving internet shopping higher up on the list.